well me n jarded are over cuz i left him outside
but its okay even tho i loved him n all but i got a boyfriend
named kaylan hes i dont even know but hes great i love him
alot n im happy we met

alot has happened since i last wrote
mmm where should i start...
Well Jared slept over my house we didn't
do ne thing freaky we js did stuff that im not
talkin bout =].....kelsey n i went to KW (kennywood)
and we found these to guys EHH GOD CAN U SAY SEX E!!!!
i js wanted to throw him on the ground n
do him rite there haha wow ima freak hahaha
but i rly miss grr i didnt get his number either
all i have haave to remember him is this picture

hes the little guy in the
white shirt and that all he has of me
is a picture of my n him ehhh i miss those mesmorizing eyes
how ever u spell it ehhhh i js wanna sceam
mike finally told me he loved me again after
a month i was rly happy when he sed it tho cuz i
rly miss him even tho i can talk to him ne
time its js not how it used to be i mean ik nuthin is gunna
be the way it was before but that okay cuz u gotta move
on sum time rite..?

im not feeling much of anything rite now
feelings wise all i feel is the slightest bit of
back pain

jared was spposed to come over today
he asked wut time i sed 8 he sed wut we
gunna do i sed we can hangout in my room
or go for a walk er wutever n hes sed ok
n he js nvr showed up
its 10:24 n nuthing not even a phone call
i broke up with gucci he was js a bad boyfriend

im starting to think of my life as a bad story
that no one can seem to stop reading
i wish everyone would put down the book n realize
its note a story its a horrble rollcaoster ride that i
cant seem to get off of even tho i want to
becase as soon as sumthin gud happens i start goin up another
hill i hear the clickin n think nuthing of it its blocked
from my mind..i finally reach the top n realize im going down
n no ones there to catch me when i come down and away i fall
down the hill through a few loops n up down some more hill n finally
back where i started...sumtimes i js close my eyes n pretend
that im js floating on the clouds by myself n its the happiest place
i've ever been
i always say things happy for a reason but whats
the reason all the things are happening to me y
do i have to keep waiting when am i going to get my
chance to be happy like everyone else wut else
do i have to do

but then again maybe my happiness isnt
here maybe when i die ill fine happienss
or maybe i js need to get out from under my rock
of poland, russia, africa
pennsylvania n explore like if always wanted to
got to england, poland, russia, africa, south america, everywhere!
other than mexico because im afraid because the ppl from texas
chainsaw massacre came from when the got killed n im not
taking ne chances with that

idk but i hope someone hands a big
bowl a effin happiness cereal real soon

I have no idea wut the last thing i wrote about was even
though it was only 3 days ago...but ne update one my life
i havent talked to jared n about 9 days er so
i have a boyfriend named gucci real names keaon wonder how long
its gunna last and yes he js came out of no where
not love at first sight though but idk i kinda am
thinkin its not gunna last long js cuz we're so diff
hes js like so w/e n im like so not i need to get
this n do that ehh idk
another update my brother leaving for 16 day!!!!
mmm n bby julia is sayin my name shes so effin
cute ehh i love her lil stinky butt

I feel so crappy cuz me n gucci are goin
out n i still like jared...even after
we fought n everything i still like him
hes js so diff from everyother guy ive
ever been with...ehh wut am i going to
do cuz i wanna be wit him but i fereal wanna
be wit gucci but i aint no cheater n i dont
wanna break up wit gucci we goin out for
like 3 days n then he'll think...idk
sumthin bad prolly n get mad at me i need
like someone real to talk to no write wont
HELP ME...here

Im in the most lovey dovey mood
and i have kno idea why
like i js wanna go up to
someone n give em a kiss
ive been listen to love song
all day..
i feel happy but im not
im a lil sick feelin
tummy cramps =/ eww >.<

omg if nicole talks to me bout
effin eddie one more time i
swear ima lose i love her
n i love him but i cant stand
her talkin bout him all the time
i miss him i want him
blah blah blah im not a
phycologist however u spell it
i mean i talk bout my problems
but only on her once n a while
ill say sumthing to kelsey
or erin n i need advice but
god nicole talk to someone else
she sed i havent talked to you
in a few days SHES JS TALKED
TO ME YESTERDAY!!! WTF MAN
like fur seious shes killin
me

i've decided not to
talk to jared for a few
days since he nvr wants to
return my txts its like ur no talky
to me i no talky to u that
sounds far to me =]
i like him but go at least
say "..." if any thing

my knee hurts still havent went to the
dr for it n i think its worse
well ik it is cuz it hurts
like a mofo

I watched the movie garden state the othere day
when i slept over josh's and i js cant get over how
oldly great that movie was. Erin sed not to tell ne one bout it but
im not rly tellin ne one about it so im gud.
But idk as weird as that girl was he still liked her.
In they were in love in 2 DAYS...wut that so crazy.
Idk guess it was a love at first sight kinda thing
but i still find it funny she had to wear a helmet
but then again she was epoleptic how eve
u spell it....

~wow ima topic jumper~

jared n i might hang out tomorrow if my
mom will let me..i hope to god she will!!
least i didnt lie to her about him er ne thing.
n i was thinkin bout gettin a tattoo n gettin my
lip done but idk ik ima have to wait to get a
tattoo tho my mom would slap me if i asked
for one haha

im so excited 2 years n 2 1/2 months until im 18!
me n the girls gunna live in pittsburgh aww those
guys lat night on the street were so cool i wish i could play
like they did haha n me n lane were dancin in the street
to the music with the passing cars its kinda reminded me
of a movie but it shoulda been raining omg the would
have been so crazy

i've also been singin alot lately too
i wonder wut that means n i wrote 2 new
songs i wanna make a cd like a demo
but idk wut i would do with prolly js listen to
it till i got bored of it then write new songs
i need to make new cds tho cuz im gettin tired of the
othere one i need newer songs or atleast ones
i nvr head before i dont like that new bowow song
marco polo ehh idk its not that gud to me

my mom keeps tellin me to think of
some othere careers for the future but
idk i cant think of ne thing cuz all i wanna do
is sing thats all i ever wanted to do since i could
remember i wanna watch so home videos
havent seen those in a long time...mmm
my brother in his bby swing n me runnin
around with no shirt with a brush singing
journey songs and fly like an eagle
i miss being little everything was so easy
back then u had nuthing to worry bout
other then gettin in trouble by dad n gettin
ur boot wooped wit a wooden spoon

ehh BAHAHAHA dat micheal kid put
me in his profile he is so crazy haha
he was like this song is for obree salene the finest girl
i ever seen haha n it was gifts by ray j
n he think he in love wit me i only known
him for 3 days now he so crazy ha
n he like 13 haha cant stop laughin omg


mmm idk theres been so much
goin on ill prolly write a second time today
oh yea i have to take a pic of mike
painting i did



ITS A MASTER PIECE!! =]
(like me)

I been thinkin bout chris a lil cause i do that
from time to time...n no matter how much i hate
him i still want to love him cuz he was my first..
my first everything but i was also thinkin bout mike
to but idk y i dont like him ne more...at least i dont think 
that i do. maybe i do and just dont want to admit it
idk it drivin me crazy i dont wanna like either of them
because i have that thing for jared there nuthing bad bout
him there wasnt nuthin bad bout mike bt chris there
was but jared got a job, hes in college, hes gunna be a
producer, he has the sexiest fuckin body i ever seen
six pick n them huge biceps DAYUMM bby he got
a girl trippin ha but he sweet to ne hes not like
all tough or real sensitive hes like js right
n he messes wit me n jokes around but then he holds me
er kisses me n its js like ehh i could die rite now cuz ik
im in heaven clique lol but im tired of like everybody
n im tired of everybody likin me but idk im kinda glad
ppl like me cuz before i was the lil fat ugly girl n
now its like theres a whole new me but only on the 
outside n sumwut on the outside so being liked if
deff new for me...wut do i do 

Hermmm nuthing rly has been going on lately.
I havent talked to Jared in a lil while but its all gud.
But I talked to Mike the other night. I'm glad I did
I havent in a while and he makes me laugh over dumb stuff.
But Ima talk to Jared and see if he wanna come over cause my 
brothers leavin tomorrow for summer camp n won't be home for a week
and my mom is workin so he can come over n i wont get in trob
unless jamie see me wit him mmm then idk i might get in trouble
only if he tell my mom. so i guess ill ask him to come over and we can
...idk lol but yea i think ill txt him to nite n see wut he think
Ehh but im deff tired of all dese boys likin me ders to many
Sayvon, Mike from cali, Zay, Dj who always wanna be gettin in my
pants haha n then theres Jared but hes tho only one i rly like
alot out of them hmm i wonder if mike still likes me eh doubt it.
Tehe i sed i loved him..i do as a friend dats it. He reminds me of dem
cute kids dat u js wanna pinch their cheeks like lil ethan or joe down the
street they are so cute lol. 
Mm im deff tired of them dirty tricks gettin at meh i swear dey wait for me 
to leave mah house so dey can say sumthin all cuz im chillin wit jared
ehh i hate bitches other than me =D

Deff drank to much water and now im goin to 
the Broom like curzy not cool dont ever drink
98 oz of water it sux n then dont keep drinkin it =]

keep that in mind

Mmm can wait to see him again!!
Hopefully we can do sumthing this weekend.
I think I'm the happiest I've ever been and I'm thankful.  

ehh hahahaha i cant read im so retarted
but im rly happy that mike made me mad cuz then
i wouldnt like jared =] so thnx mike u idot lol

mmm but im excited to hang out wit him

i knew i should have moved on
all the abuse from chris n that sucky ass relationship
n i found sumthing gud n it was a lie
im glad great things happen to me
i dont understand y ppl like hurtin me
am i not gud enough for ne body?
well i kinda like dj soo

i shoulda listened to my head instead of my heart
shoulda moved on n left it at wut it was
but i didnt n that why im sittin here cryin
u lied to me when u sed thats all u
did with her
i hate u thnx for nuthing

i wish that we could just hold hands
i wish for you to be my man
i wish things didnt have to be this way
but maybe they will work out one day

i just wanna talk to you all nite long
as i sit n listen to your songs
i think about you all the time
i cant seem to get you off my mind

i think im fallin in love
i think i fell for you
i love it when you call me ur boo
when i look at you eyes i get butterflies
i think this defines how i feel for you
i think im fallin in love
i think i fell for you
i love it when you call me ur boo
when i look at you eyes i get butterflies
i think this defines how i feel for you

before i go to sleep
i walk to the window for a peek
i look at the stars and i pray for you
oh how i wanna be with you

i think your the only one for me
so i might as well give you the key
to my heart here you go
just promise u wont leave though

i think im fallin in love
i think i fell for you
i love it when you call me ur boo
when i look at you eyes i get butterflies
i think this defines how i feel for you
i think im fallin in love
i think i fell for you
i love it when you call me ur boo
when i look at you eyes i get butterflies
i think this defines how i feel for you

Well now that i spilled the beans on myself
idk wut to say ne more i dont feel butterflies in my
stomach ne more its js empty feelin i dont like that
at this moment i feel sick tired bored n lost in wondering
is there more behind the truth? dont think ill ever know
n im afraid to im envious of the girl next door
not for who she is but for wut she has i wish life wasnt like
a box of chocolates i wanna know wuts happenin before it happens
i think i should lay low with guy ritge now theres to many at one time
n they like me but i only like one of them
i dont know why i am smiling im not happy but i am amused yet
confused the no room for all these emotions
i know he wasnt lyin to me but i know theres more to it
than that there has to be but whether he tells me or not
is on him im to sensitive for this easily hurt easily angered
n in one second my moods can change idk whether or not if i should move
on or stay a while n see wut happens ....i js dont wanna get hurt in the end

ermm idk im js tired
n not sure of wut to make
of life right yet n i still
keep thinkin bout after school
will i be js a step away from
my dream or fall back on to
sumthing else i've been plannin for...
i've been waitin 15 year to see my name
in lights i guess a few more wont hurt
n time will tell....

my family freakin sux
my brothes a lil fatty n
my mom is js a bitch
js wanted that to be known
...my phone broke again
so now i need a new one
im js gunna get a new plan all
together sprint sux..maybe
ill get ATT&T...im gunna go outside
now n cherish this crappy weather

Every I day I wake up and stare out my window
Because I know I cant have you
Every Night I go to sleep
and i wonder if you thinkin of me

i kno i am
and i wanna be with u
do you want me too
boy i love you